This letter is a copy of an actual policy given to me by my aunt from
her place of employment. To preserve the authenticity of the memo, I
have retyped it character for character, regardless of spelling.

J.W. Zylstra (zylstra@spu.edu)

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In the past, employees were permitted to make trips to the restrooms
under informal guidelines. Effective December 1, 1990 a Restroom Trip
Policy (RTP) will be established to provide a consistent method of
accounting for each employee's restroom time.

Under this policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be set up for each
employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a
Restroom Trip Credit of 20. Restroom Trip Credits can be accumulated
month to month.

In the near future, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped
with personel identification stations and computer linked voice
print recognition devices. Before the end of November, each employee
must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress)
to the Data Automation Department. The voice print recognition will
be operational, but not restrictive, for the month of November. Employees
should acquaint themselves with the station during that period. If an
employee's Restroom Trip Bank reaches zero, the doors to the restroom
will NOT unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next
month.

In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper-
roll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than 4 minutes,
an alarm will sound. Thirty seconds after the alarm sounds, the roll
of paper will retract, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will
open. If the stall remaines occupied, your picture will be taken. The
picture will than be posted on all bulletin boards. This is being done
to eliminate DILLY DALLYING in the restrooms. Anyone's picture showing
up 3 times will be immediately terminated!!!!!

If you have any questions about the new policy, please ask your supervisor.

P.S. Remember our pride and commitment to excellence...